What I am noticing about myself from last few days is that my thoughts are becoming increasingly violent and in a way devilish. I think about raping, killing and pillaging without very less remorse or guilt. Is it because of the fact that from last few years I have been staying mostly alone, and haven't actually felt connection with other people. All I have in me are old resentments and anger which are turning me slowly very cold inside. I am afraid that I may turn into one of those crazy mass killers they show on news. The angry school kids or mentally unstable adults who go on rampage of killing other people. I don't want to be like them. I don't want to hurt people, but I am scared that all the pain which has been residing inside me for some time wants me to take revenge and hurt other people for retribution. I feel as if slowly I am dehumanizing myself. I am turning into a monster. I have stopped having empathy for people because I am afraid that would make me vulnerable to being hurt.
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